Exhaustion

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.  Matthew 11:28-30

I’m certain that anyone reading this who has children would agree that, though we love them endlessly and unconditionally, they are exhausting.  If you have yet to enter into the world of parenthood or are not the caretaker of a young child, allow me to give you a little insight into my world.  I love both of my babies for the joy they emit, for their strengths, for their imperfections.  For me, I do not view my job of raising them as a responsibility, however, a privilege.  From Jacob and Maggie, I have gained a greater knowledge of myself and of the world around me, and I consider myself better because of them.  It is, however, taxing caring for two little ones who both have such extensive needs.  Over the past week or so, Jacob has become increasingly sick.  What started as a bad cold has now escalated into a full-blown ear infection.  Tyler and I had once become accustomed to Jacob’s ear infections and could even spot the signs of an imminent infection before his former pediatrician. With the placement of his tubes, Jacob had been ear infection free for right around one year, but as I sat up with him Sunday evening I knew what we were dealing with.  For hours, Jacob sat in my lap alternating between cries and screams.  He was so tired, but the pain was too intense for him to sleep.  I rocked him, doing my best to try to comfort him.  At one point he even took my hand and placed it on his ear as if to say, “You’re the mommy, and it’s your job to make me feel better.  Make my ear stop hurting.”  I sat in the darken room praying with Jacob in my arms and cried with him, feeling helpless.  I knew nothing to do but put Jacob in His hands.  Jacob finally fell asleep around 4 a.m.  Lucky for me, I had an appointment four hours away at the Kelly O’Leary Center for Autism Spectrum Disorders in Cincinnati.  By the grace of God I made it to the appointment without falling asleep at the wheel.  I was also able to make it back to Lexington just in time for Jacob’s doctor’s appointment.  He did indeed have an infection in his right ear.  With the antibiotic prescribed, Jacob slept peacefully last night.

I am proud to report that he is making gains at school.  With potty training improving everyday, it is easier for Jacob to concentrate on other skills that his teacher is working on.  Several days last week Jacob baselined on many of his tasks.  I am also proud to have one the most caring and ambitious women I know as a best friend.  Not long ago my college roommate, Sarah, asked if she could organize a group for the Walk Now for Autism Speaks in honor of Jacob.  On May 19th, the day before Jacob’s third birthday and two days before Maggie’s first, we will be joining other people affected by autism to promote awareness.  I can’t think of a better birthday celebration, or a better reason to bust out the double stroller.

Today I am thankful for modern medicine and caffeine (and as always, for my closest family and friends who do what they can to support us in our journey with Jacob).

Detour

This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words. 1 Corinthians 2:13

Following our usual end-of-the-week routine, Maggie and I picked up Jacob from therapy and began our journey back to Lexington for the weekend.  While one child was being rather pleasant, another was in rare form.   About an hour into our trip Jacob was well engaged with the movie that he had picked out for the car ride, but Maggie was having a difficult time staying asleep.  In an attempt to pacify the crying child in the back seat I pulled off at the first exit that I came to.  Now, had I been aware of the fact that this specific exit was not equipped with an on-ramp that would allow me to return to the parkway in my desired direction, I would more than likely not have stopped.  I now found myself driving with a toddler and fussy infant through an area that I was not particularly familiar with, and most definitely unaware of what I might encounter.  This unexpected detour lead me to a very quaint town that had a Mayberry essence about it.  I had not planned driving along this scenic route, but all things, even our detours have a purpose.  While driving along the main road in the small town I noticed the message on the marquee of the local Christian church.  On it read Faith makes things possible, not easy.  What a positive message for us all, but at that moment I felt as if it were put up there just for me to see.  With each triumph Jacob makes, God is with him and our family.  He is just as present during every trial, and even though Tyler and I know that doing what is best for Jacob isn’t always going to be easy, we know that as long as God is in our hearts, then Jacob’s progress will be unquestionable.

Over the past week I have changed my own view of Jacob.  Until now I have seen Jacob as a baby (and in my mind he will always be), but that image is quickly changing.  Jacob has accomplished three goals this week that some may view as insignificant, but to me they are monumental.  Goal 1 – Jacob has said farewell to the pacifier.  For two years Jacob has sought solace in his pacifier.  Pacifiers could be found randomly throughout the house, hidden by Jacob for safekeeping.  We had been careful to make certain that a pass was always on hand, but by accident all pacifiers mysteriously disappeared.  I had been fearful of taking Jacob’s pass, but I wish I would have taken it months ago.  Jacob is falling asleep easier without the pacifier than he ever did with it.  Goal 2 – Jacob has said farewell to the diapers/pull-ups.  Potty training is still a work in progress, but Jacob is refusing to put on a diaper before going to bed.  On a positive note, he has yet to wet the bed.  Goal 3 – Jacob has said farewell to Mommy.  I have grown accustomed to hearing Jacob’s cries when I drop him off for therapy in the mornings, but this week Jacob did not cry.  Each week, it has been easier for Jacob to transition from home to school.  I am thankful that he is finally feeling safe and comfortable with his therapists. 

Today, I am thankful for the crying baby in the backseat of the car and for accidentally losing Jacob’s pass.

POTTY

For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7

When I first took a tour of the center that Jacob is now enrolled in back in October the director informed me that the very first goal they would focus on with Jacob would be potty training.  Because of their limited communication, it can often be a challenge for children with autism to master the skill that many people take for granted.  Many times I have mulled over the idea of Jacob accomplishing such skills, and I had become complacent with the notion that, for him, toileting would be a challenge to take on when I was more receptive of Jacob’s communication skills.  I had even braced myself for the fact that Maggie may be potty trained before Jacob.

It was not that I doubted Jacob’s ability to learn.  Quite the contrary, even; I know my child is intelligent.  Moreover, I doubted my ability to understand his needs.  I hold fast to the idea that Jacob is a very bright boy who is only limited by our own understanding of what he is trying to communicate.  Matthew 21:21 tells us to have faith in the Lord, and not to doubt him.  While I struggle with self-doubt, my faith will overcome any skepticism I have.  The Bible tells of instances of healing, not by the hand on any man, but by the power of prayer Mark 9:17-29.  So to this I ask you to please keep the prayers for Jacob coming, because God is listening to each and every one.

Just shy of one month in therapy, and Jacob is making steady progress.  If someone were to have told me four weeks ago that my son would be on the verge of being potty trained I would have scoffed.  But that is just what is happening with our little man.  Finally, we mustered up the courage to take on potty training at home and Jacob is doing better than we could have hoped for.  Already he is leading us by the hand to go to the restroom, is practically accident-free, and is even waking up in the mornings completely DRY!  My doubt has been eradicated.

I am thankful for the potty progress, but even more so that it was something that Tyler could be a part of.  We are still living separate during the week so that Jacob is able to attend therapy, and much of what Jacob and Maggie accomplish, Tyler only hears about in conversation.  This time Tyler was able to take part in such a huge milestone for Jacob.

Under the Weather

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  2 Corinthians 12:9

Fighting for attention

 

Last week started off rough, and only seemed to get worse as the week progressed.  Sunday evening, I noticed that Jacob felt very warm.  Expecting an imminent fever, I slipped some medicine into Jacob’s juice and tucked him in bed.  Upon waking the next morning, Jacob appeared to be feeling better so it was off to school we went. Less than an hour after he was dropped off, I received a phone call from the center telling me that Jacob was having some stomach issues and needed to be picked up right away.  Jacob’s therapists were saying that he appeared to feel well, but as a precaution for his health, and the health of the other students, it was best that Jacob spent the rest of the day at home.  By that evening Jacob’s discomfort had him in tears and vomiting.

A few days off from therapy and a little TLC, and Jacob was feeling like himself again.  This past weekend my mom and dad came by to visit Jacob and Maggie.  I expected Maggie to be her bubbly, sociable self, and I must say that she did not disappoint.  She wanted undivided attention from both Nanny and Granda, but this time she had some competition.  Jacob has always had a good relationship with his grandparents.  He enjoys their company, and playing carelessly with them on their land, but I was astonished to see how affectionate he was with his Nanny.  In fact, I was literally pushed aside as Jacob took my mom and led her to “his” room.  The only person that Jacob cared about spending time with that day was Nanny.

We have seen quite the development with Jacob this week.  It would appear that he is actually looking forward to going to therapy in the mornings; somewhat of a change from the mornings of tantrums when Jacob was in daycare.  Jacob is becoming more compliant with dressing in the mornings, but I am finding out that my assistance, though necessary, may not be adequate.  Several times I have had to put his socks and shoes on him in the doorway, and put his shirt on him while getting in the car.  Today I even heard him say the name of his primary therapist.  I am so thankful that Jacob is growing more comfortable with his school.

 I am thankful for the privilege of raising both of my babies.