I’m Different

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them… Genesis 1:27

Do yourself a favor and watch this sweet video of Maggie’s solo at her kindergarten graduation.  

Sorry, one more.  This is a clip of Jacob and Maggie’s competition last month with A Chance to Dance.

This week Jacob said something that paralyzed me.

“I’m different.” 

He was not asking me if there was something in particular that set him apart from his peers, he was stating a fact.  I had anticipated that perhaps one day in the distant future Jacob and/or Maggie would come to the realization that they have qualities (quirks) that make them standout from their friends.  I just hadn’t prepared myself for that revelation to be made at such a young age.  Jacob was not able to give any reasoning for this new understanding, but appeared to be quite disheartened.  Had he overheard some of his friends making innocent comments? Had he noticed my incessant method of helicopter-parenting? Had someone said something rude and hurtful?  I was completely caught off guard.  Rather than lie to him or go into profound explanation about his diagnosis, I looked him in the eye and assured him that he is in deed “different”.

Being different shouldn’t have to be viewed as negative.  Giving Jacob the only rationale I could think of with so little warning, I told him that he is unique because God made him that way and He makes everything just as it should be.  Fortunately this answer has seemed to satisfy his curiosity for the time being. I fear that one day either Jacob or Maggie may come to harbor some resentment or even question God’s reasoning for bestowing them with these differences.  I myself still get hurt and angry when I see my children struggle with daily tasks and communication through no fault of their own.  And I am not proud to admit that I have questioned God’s purpose on more than one occasion.  Why would a loving father enable his children to suffer?  If I wasn’t confident that He loves Jacob and Maggie more than I ever could, this very question would have the ability to shake my faith.

I hope and pray that the next time either of them come to me wanting to discuss why they are different I will be better prepared.  Perhaps the conversation will go something like this: My dear sweet child.  Yes, you are different.  But that does not mean that you are any less beautiful or wonderful (Psalm 139:14).  Before I even knew of your existence, God knew everything about you and created you to be a reflection of himself (Genesis 1:27).  I have asked many specialists why you were born different, but they do not offer an answers of assurance, only speculation.  Many more times I have asked God why he would do this to you, why he wouldn’t heal you from this disability.  My darling the truth is I do not know exactly why He allowed you to have a disability, and I am not meant to know his reasoning in this lifetime.  It is beyond my understanding. Through God’s word I have come to embrace the fact that He created you to display His works (John 9:3), and because of you I see God at work each and every day.  You were given an extra special purpose for your life – to be a light of hope in this dark world. By watching your struggles and accomplishments I have learned more about God’s love than I ever could have through a Sunday sermon.  Because you are “different” I am a better version of myself.  Yes, you are different but you are perfect.

Today I am thankful for another successful season of Miracle League Baseball and A Chance to Dance.  Tomorrow we will be missing the conclusion of baseball season in order to attend Jacob and Maggie’s dance recital.  Pictures to come!