They Are Mine

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9

A few weeks ago I had a conversation with a young man and the topic of conversation quickly turn to our children.  He doted on his daughter, as I did the same about Jacob and Maggie.  When I mentioned that they both have special needs diagnoses I received a puzzled looked.  The young man went on to ask if Jacob and Maggie were actually mine, implying that they might not be my biological children.  When I confirmed that they were indeed my flesh and blood I could almost see the thought bubbles forming in his mind.  How could two college educated people have special needs children?  What could they have done differently during the pregnancies? If they had only done X, Y, or Z would their children be neuro-typical? Believe me stranger, there is not a question that you are thinking that I have not already thought myself.  I have been my own worst enemy at times wondering if Jacob and Maggie’s autism is somehow my fault, crying until I no more tears to shed.  I read each new theory as to what might be a possible cause of the disorder, and each time we don’t seem to meet the criteria.  Tyler and I may never understand why Jacob and Maggie have autism, and perhaps it’s better that way.  “I know the heavy burdens that God has laid on us. He has set the right time for everything. He has given us a desire to know the future, but never gives us the satisfaction of fully understanding what he does. So I realized that all we can do is be happy and do the best we can while we are still alive. All of us should eat and drink and enjoy what we have worked for. It is God’s gift. I know that everything God does will last forever. You can’t add anything to it or take anything away from it. And one thing God does is to make us stand in awe of him. Whatever happens or can happen has already happened before. God makes the same thing happen again and again.” Ecclesiastes 3: 10-15

HALLOWEEN

Neither Tyler or I are avid Halloween fans, so I find it bizarre that it is ultimately Jacob and Maggie’s favorite holiday of the year.  From dressing up in costumes, carving jack-o-lanterns, and spotting spooky decorations, every aspect of holiday excites them.  I’m convinced that Jacob and Maggie get their fondness of Halloween from their aunt Julie.  This morning we ventured to the racetrack to get a thirty second glimpse of the headless horseman, a character that Jacob has adored for the last couple of years.  The headless horseman did not disappoint.

Today I am thankful for genuine excitement these two feel from such small gestures.